Alexis Fosler talks with the editor of ANZA Magazine on ‘Spring Cleaning Your Mind For Better Well-being’

Visions by Promises’ Addictions therapist, Alexis Fosler, gave some great insights and tips for dealing with stress in an interview about “Spring Cleaning Your Mind For Better Well-Being” with ANZA Magazine’s editor.


Restrictions are lifting, the workforce is returning traditional office spaces, travel is go. On the outside many would say we are emerging into a ‘new normal’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that our minds are at ease. Having a human brain, particularly right now, is stressful.

Much like how the homes we’ve become so bound to in the past few years have grown more cluttered, our minds are filled with chaotic debris and discontent too. Recent research by YouGov found that six in 10 Singapore residents have suffered adverse effects to their mental health due to the pandemic, with those aged 35 – 44 most affected.

“Covid-19 has certainly impacted both our thoughts and our behaviours, and studies have shown that population mental health has declined significantly during this period,” confims Alexis Fosler, psychotherapist at Promises Healthcare. “These same studies indicate that we may have given more time to think about our anxieties and our worries such as employment, health and our lack of social connection. We’ve put less brain power into thinking about others and about our future plans – both of which are associated with better wellbeing.”

Clutter-free environment

While we don’t experience seasonal changes in Singapore, the arrival of spring can serve as a natural point to take stock of our mental wellbeing and reconnect with the things that bring us purpose and joy. We know that positive outcomes are associated with physical decluttering. When we clean the messy spare room, give the kitchen a clear out or tidy the drawer that hasn’t closed properly since 2019, we experience lower levels of stress, greater productivity, better focus, higher self-esteem and increased mental health. Alexis believes that same positive effects can occur when you spring clean your brain.

“We know that our brains like order and are less likely to be distracted and overloaded in a clutter-free environment,” she says. “We live in two states: our external environment and our internal environment. Both can affect our overall wellness, so it’s equally important to live in an internal world that is not overwhelmed with noise and distraction.”

Creating a soothing internal landscape is easier said than done, but Alexis recommends achieving a calmer, clearer mind by “thinking about wellbeing as the house in which you live, which is supported by a number of important pillars”. Here are a few of her simple rules:

  • The first pillar to your house of wellbeing is exercise which improves mood and decreases feelings of depression, anxiety and stress. It also produces changes in parts of the brain that regulate stress and anxiety and boosts the production of endorphins, which are known to help produce positive feelings.
  • The second pillar is service to others. “The more I think about other people, the less I am concerned with myself, and the more I’m able to focus outwardly, and escape the natural whirlpools and eddies of my own mind,” Alexis says.
  • The third pillar is social connection. Research indicates that the number of social connections, and the type, quality and purpose of relationships, can affect brain function. So it seems that better social engagement is good for brain health (like we need another reason to love an ANZA Ladies Night!). There is also evidence that loneliness increases the risk of loss of thinking skills in older people.
  • The fourth pillar is learning or education. “At times in my life where I’ve felt stuck, picking up a new skill or a new degree has been a lifesaver – the rigour of studying hones our mental skills and keeps us engaged; it has a wider benefit of opening doors to new skills and relationships,” Alexis confirms.
  • The final and perhaps most significant pillar is meditation, something which many studies claim gives rise to mental focus and clarity. “I never really understood what this meant, but meditation completely changed my outlook,” admits Alexis. “Most people think about meditation as the absence of thought, but really, it’s the ability to observe your thoughts, thus allowing yourself to see where your mind takes you, and to press pause on negative thinking. If I’d known the power of meditation, I would have started many years ago!”

Having the ability to observe her thoughts, Alexis says she is much better able to detect negative thought patterns and allow herself to reframe situations she finds herself in. “The ability to monitor or control our thoughts allows for an internal – rather than external – locus of control, which is incredibly important in an era where there are so many things (a lingering pandemic, employment, war) that are beyond our control. She adds; “Once you realise that the power to change lies within the space between your ears, you can possess an unpolluted mind and the world can appear much more manageable.”

Promises Healthcare provides a comprehensive range of psychiatric, psychological & physical wellbeing services for children and adults.


*This article first appeared on ANZA’s website.

Positive Discipline and Gentle Parenting for Children

Positive discipline and gentle guidance are concepts which are not given enough recognition. In comparison to corporal punishments and other forms of authoritarian parenting, positive discipline aims to teach by first creating a safe relationship with children, putting connection before correction. According to recent neuroscience research, people learn best when they feel safe and connected to others, in the context of safe relationships. This helps to instil discipline with maximum efficacy in the long run.

What does positive discipline bring to the table? Apart from building trust and strengthening parent-child relationships, it teaches children responsibility, self-discipline, problem-solving skills and cooperation. By ensuring that learning isn’t fear-based – such as in the context of authoritarian parenting – it also helps children build on their self-esteem, develop their sense of significance, as well as manage their emotions effectively. However, it is key to note that gentle guidance may not always yield immediate results. Consistency plays a crucial role, and over time, parents will notice their children actively apply what they have learnt.

Positive Discipline Techniques

Redirection

This technique involves diverting your child’s attention to other activities when they are acting out, or when you’re trying to guide a child’s behaviour from inappropriate to appropriate. For example, if your child is running around in the kitchen while someone is cooking, stop them and introduce another item or toy that would be of interest to them. Rather than simply saying, “Don’t run in the house,” say, “ “It is not safe to run in the house. Please go outside if you want to run.”

In addition, follow up with questions to confirm that he/she understands the boundaries (i.e what is and isn’t acceptable). Questions can include:

“Is it safe to play in the kitchen while it is in use?”

“Where else could you play instead if you feel like running?”

Such open-ended questions confirming boundaries can also initiate child-led problem-solving.

With positive discipline, it is important that you describe the behaviour you want to see without lecturing, and whenever possible, let your child know what they can do, as opposed to what they cannot do.

Positive Reinforcement

Emphasise the positive things your child does. If you only pay attention to negative behaviour, you will end up reinforcing that behaviour. When your child does something worthy of praise, be sure to acknowledge it and give him/her recognition for it. Positive reinforcement is not limited to words of praise for good behaviour. In fact, rewarding your child with natural rewards can be an extremely effective method for encouraging similar behaviour in the future. For instance, if a child asks politely for a cup of juice instead of throwing a full-blown tantrum, consider giving a little more juice or even a nice topping to motivate similar polite requests in the future. Remember to point out what they did right and emphasise how you appreciate their polite behaviour. This kind of praise helps your child maintain a positive self-identity that they will want to live up to as well.

Natural Consequences

Punishing your child often can turn you into the enemy, fostering an unhealthy parent-child relationship. Many parents tend to punish their children in ways that are unrelated to the offence too, and this can be confusing or simply encourage their children to act in defiance. Where possible, allow the natural consequences of their actions to unfold. For instance, if your child throws a tantrum and refuses to put on a raincoat while it is raining, the natural consequence is that they would get wet. They will be far more likely to acquiesce the next time than if you respond with a time-out when a similar situation arises.

Time-in and Time-out

You may be familiar with the time-out consequence, a common disciplinary technique when a child has done something wrong. Solitary, boring time-outs can be effective when well-executed. However, research has shown that such disciplinary methods are best when occasional time-outs are paired with time-ins. Time-ins encourage good behaviour, and are carried out by having the parent spend quality time with the child after a bout of bad behaviour. Instead of lashing out at the child and sending them away, spend time with them and help them calm down if they are emotionally agitated. Once they’ve calmed down, it would be much easier to discuss better choices for the future, and encourage them to apologise for their bad behaviour.

Paying attention to language use

Language is very important when it comes to disciplining a child. When anger strikes, it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. Be mindful not to use derogatory language or words of insult, as this can be hurtful and harm the child’s self-esteem. Moreover, try rephrasing your sentences. Instead of saying, “you messed up”, begin sentences with “I” statements. Convey how you felt about their behaviour rather than solely focusing on what the child did. This makes the approach to discussing the situation less critical, and allows the child to calm down and feel less defensive especially if their actions were unintentional.

While gentle parenting is a brilliant method as a whole, it is still important that we do what we need to do if there is danger involved. For instance, if your child is running straight for a busy road, yelling or grabbing at them is completely valid and reasonable.

All in all, remember to focus on encouragement and redirection of bad behaviour to appropriate alternatives. Positive discipline can go a long way, and it will certainly benefit both parent and child.


References:

  1. https://srhd.org/media/documents/What20is20Positive20Discipline1.pdf (Accessed 15/07/2022)
  2. https://www.verywellfamily.com/examples-of-positive-discipline-1095049 (Accessed 15/07/2022)
  3. Photo by James X on Unsplash

Andrew da Roza on Tobacco tax hike with Today Online

Andrew da Roza speaks with an editor at Today Online about the Tobacco tax hike. Read on to find out the details.

Follow the link to read the full article: https://www.todayonline.com/singapore/tobacco-tax-hike-some-smokers-will-cut-back-others-illegal-vaping-2110991

*Visions is an addictions arm of Promises and we help assist clients in Singapore to enable them to improve their lives; and our website provides the images, names, languages, qualifications, and experience of specialists who can help.

Find out more about our services at Visions >>